The last 2 days have been such a roller coaster.
I don't even know how to begin to describe the sinking feeling I had at 4:46 Thursday afternoon when I opened up an email that said that Biggie would be moving the next day.
The crazy thing is, we had been expecting it. We knew from the very moment we picked him up to take him home with us in December that he would not be with us very long. We even told Ethan a few days earlier that we had a feeling he would leave us within the next couple weeks.
But still, the news hit us like a ton of bricks.
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Some of you already know that we had a really rough start with Biggie. To be completely honest, the first two weeks were hell.
He was loud. Fussy. Demanding. Needy. Angry. Stubborn.
He screamed & grunted all throughout the day. As much as we tried to comfort him, nothing worked. He was a cuddler, yes, but it seemed more like he was just receiving our affection because he needed to feel safe, not because he had any sort of bond with us. He separated at daycare with no cares at all. Despite the fact that he didn't really even seem to enjoy us, he insisted on being right on our heels. He wouldn't even play in another room from us, like he didn't trust that we would still be there once he finished playing with his blocks. He didn't smile or laugh. He shoveled food into his mouth at mealtimes, and he fought sleep at bedtime. He seemed to show no emotion other than discontent.
Being so close in age to Lil Dude, we initially had tried to parent them similarly. We quickly learned that they are two COMPLETELY different children, with COMPLETELY different personalities, strengths, and weaknesses.
Then we started to really figure him out. We switched the milk he was drinking. Started putting him to bed earlier. Changed the way we were feeding him. Stuck to our guns when it came to discipline & attachment.
It seemed like it took forever, but in reality, it only took us a month to get over our hump. I know many parents, especially foster & adoptive, can struggle for months or even years to get past that hump. That barricade. That "I-DON'T-KNOW-WHAT-IS-GOING-ON-SO-I'M-NOT-GOING-TO-COOPERATE" wall.
Then, one day he actually cried & reached for me when I took him to daycare in the morning. For the first time, I experienced his connection to me. It wasn't the same as it was just a few weeks earlier. He didn't just need anyone to hold him to make him feel better. He needed ME. He wanted ME. It made me ecstatic to see that he was discovering that healthy attachment.
That was exactly what we needed to move forward.
*** TIME TO LEARN EVERYBODY! ***
Let me introduce you to Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of human needs:
(And yes, I totally just found this graphic and added my own text in Paint. What?)
If anyone has EVER had a class in education, psychology, human development, etc... you've seen this a billion times. The idea is that you begin at the bottom tier of the pyramid, & you cannot progress upwards, until the needs of the current tier have been met.
See, the day that Biggie moved in with us, we provided him with food, water, clothing, shelter, etc... He had all the basics for survival, and that was it. Over a short period of time, he was presented with, and began to accept, the physical safety that we provided, security, his own health, etc... It was all in check. Now we get to the more difficult tiers. This is normally the hump that individuals struggle with: belonging. This is definitely what took the longest amount of time for us in our time with Biggie.
Back to the daycare story: That day was a turning point. His needs had been met. We had provided him with family, love, relationships, socialization, etc... It was at this point, that his total development began to take off.
Those words we had been trying to teach for several weeks? Yep, they finally came out of his mouth. The signs that we had been modeling for him day after day? He began to imitate. The games we've been playing with him? He finally enjoyed. The smiles we had been giving? He gave them right back.
I know that only parents, & possibly only other neurotic mommies like myself, would understand this, but I just about peed my pants when Biggie signed "please" spontaneously during dinner on Monday.
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"Wait? Did he just do that? Without my prompting? And perfectly in context?"
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He also began signing two other words just this week alone! He's been saying "mama" & "dada" very clearly. He has so much more patience now trying to use his own spoon than he did just 2 weeks ago. He pays attention to the way he's holding it. He looks at where he's placing it in his bowl. He dances, & claps, & laughs anytime he hears a beat. Last night, he "flirted" all throughout dinner with two middle-aged women in Outback after they commented on how cute he was. Two weeks ago he would have most likely completely ignored them, or screamed, the moment they acknowledged him. His socialization skills have improved drastically!
Right now, I feel like Biggie is hovering over both "Belonging" & "Esteem" & he will most likely stay right where he is for quite some time. We know that the progress we've seen in just the last couple weeks is just the tip of the ice berg.
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As most of you might have figured out already, Biggie did not leave us this week. An hour before we were supposed to take him to the DHS office, the move was called off for reasons I cannot disclose, but I sighed the biggest sigh of relief after it all happened.
And then I came home and kissed that baby boy all over his chubby little face.
I'm not ready to let him go. I'm too excited to see how God transforms this little man.
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