Zombies, Hip-Hop, & Your Grandad's Clothes: Things that may or may not ruin my ministry

So, I've been thinking a lot lately about the kinds of things that I share about myself online, either through my Facebook statuses, or my Instagram photos, or even the things that I repin on Pinterest. 

I'm guilty of filtering myself online. Granted, it's most likely not to the point that others do, but still.  When my husband and I go out to eat I might take a picture of the pretty mixed drink that I ordered, but I don't normally post it on Facebook. I might want to share a hilarious conversation that I had with Chris, but I don't... because often it contains a curse word, or a sexual joke, or lines from a vulgar movie or something of the sort. 

************************************

A tangent, if you don't mind: 

I went to a church that had the words "You are now entering the mission field" above the exit doors, and it always irritated me that those words were there. I hated that phrase. I thought it was phony, and lame. Because I knew that most people didn't actually live like the world was their mission field once they walked out the doors. I was one of them, and I totally knew it too. However, I wasn't even exactly sure how to make the world your mission field at that point. I just knew that I wasn't doing it.

I always pictured old men, in slacks, ties, trouser socks, and terrible cologne handing out those terrible tracts from 1988. 

Ok, ok... maybe they had upgraded to some better graphics at least??? 

 Anyway, that's not the point. 

See, I had read the Bible. I had been reading it since I was able to read basically. And for some reason, I still didn't know what I was supposed to be doing.  

Was I supposed to keep my purse full of these little cards so that I could awkwardly hand them out to people in public? Was I supposed to greet everyone I met with "God bless you" and dress like a nun? Was I supposed to only give 10% to my church and put the missionary's newsletter on the fridge to see what they've been up to in the last month? Was I supposed to only listen to Christian music? Wear Christian t-shirts? 

 

 

 Hehe... remember these???

I know that meeting Ethan was the very beginning of my understanding of what it meant to make the world your mission field. I think God slapped me across the face when I first said the words, "We have a home. We have a family. We have the resources to give him a good life. So why not?" He didn't slap me because I was wrong. He slapped me because it took me so long to figure it out. 

I MAKE THE WORLD MY MISSION FIELD BY GIVING ALL THAT I HAVE TO ALL OF THOSE AROUND ME! That is my ministry!

I figured it out! And thank goodness it had nothing to do with terrible cologne, lame tracts, t-shirts, and newsletters. 

 

Each day I fall more and more in love with the people around me. And each day I fight with God to give up another piece of myself, or a little bit of my luxury, or to take another kid, or to wake up a few minutes earlier. 

It wasn't until just last month that I was amazed at how badly I had missed so much of what God tries to tell us. Chris and I went to a class offered by CoHO called God, The Gospel, & Poverty. OMG! It was amazing. In just 3 hours we barely touched the tip of the iceberg when it came to all of the 2000+ times in the Bible that God calls us to help those in poverty. Seriously?!?! How is it that I had been reading the Bible for 20 years now, and it took me this long to realize how important this is? 

I feel like I could seriously make the internet implode if I tried to give each example of how God continues to make all this clear to me. So, I shall halt for now on this subject. 

************************************

Back to the internet thing: 

See,  I feel like because of our close association with our church, and with the CALL, and just the fact that we're foster parents, it seems like every move we make is being watched. I know that sounds terribly vain, and I apologize. 

I guess I say all of this because I'd like to point out that I'm not your average mom. We're not your average family. And we're certainly not what you may think of when you hear the word "ministry."

But we are, in fact, a family in ministry. 

Many people don't seem to understand what we mean when we say this though. And honestly, I didn't either until just a few years ago. 

My ministry is showing the world God's love through fostering, adoption, and providing love & support for the children and families involved in it all. 

I'll admit it: I find it hard to get over the fact that some other foster parent, DHS staff, or CALL admin out there may think less of me as a parent if I post a pic of my alcoholic drink. 

I don't want people to think that my ministry is failing if I use a few lady-like words in my conversations. 

And I don't want anyone doubting my abilities to give love & support to the poverty-stricken if I watch The Walking Dead, listen to 2 Chainz & Big Sean, or if I quote Macklemore on the daily.

  

Maslow? Is that the guy with the dogs? No wait... the pyramid, right?

The last 2 days have been such a roller coaster. 

I don't even know how to begin to describe the sinking feeling I had at 4:46 Thursday afternoon when I opened up an email that said that Biggie would be moving the next day. 

The crazy thing is, we had been expecting it. We knew from the very moment we picked him up to take him home with us in December that he would not be with us very long. We even told Ethan a few days earlier that we had a feeling he would leave us within the next couple weeks. 

But still, the news hit us like a ton of bricks. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Some of you already know that we had a really rough start with Biggie. To be completely honest, the first two weeks were hell. 

He was loud. Fussy. Demanding. Needy. Angry. Stubborn. 

He screamed & grunted all throughout the day. As much as we tried to comfort him, nothing worked. He was a cuddler, yes, but it seemed more like he was just receiving our affection because he needed to feel safe, not because he had any sort of bond with us. He separated at daycare with no cares at all. Despite the fact that he didn't really even seem to enjoy us, he insisted on being right on our heels. He wouldn't even play in another room from us, like he didn't trust that we would still be there once he finished playing with his blocks. He didn't smile or laugh. He shoveled food into his mouth at mealtimes, and he fought sleep at bedtime. He seemed to show no emotion other than discontent. 

Being so close in age to Lil Dude, we initially had tried to parent them similarly. We quickly learned that they are two COMPLETELY different children, with COMPLETELY different personalities, strengths, and weaknesses.

Then we started to really figure him out. We switched the milk he was drinking. Started putting him to bed earlier. Changed the way we were feeding him. Stuck to our guns when it came to discipline & attachment.

It seemed like it took forever, but in reality, it only took us a month to get over our hump. I know many parents, especially foster & adoptive, can struggle for months or even years to get past that hump. That barricade. That "I-DON'T-KNOW-WHAT-IS-GOING-ON-SO-I'M-NOT-GOING-TO-COOPERATE" wall. 

Then, one day he actually cried & reached for me when I took him to daycare in the morning. For the first time, I experienced his connection to me. It wasn't the same as it was just a few weeks earlier. He didn't just need anyone to hold him to make him feel better. He needed ME. He wanted ME. It made me ecstatic to see that he was discovering that healthy attachment. 

That was exactly what we needed to move forward. 

*** TIME TO LEARN EVERYBODY! ***

Let me introduce you to Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of human needs:

(And yes, I totally just found this graphic and added my own text in Paint. What?) 

If anyone has EVER had a class in education, psychology, human development, etc... you've seen this a billion times. The idea is that you begin at the bottom tier of the pyramid, & you cannot progress upwards, until the needs of the current tier have been met. 

See, the day that Biggie moved in with us, we provided him with food, water, clothing, shelter, etc... He had all the basics for survival, and that was it. Over a short period of time, he was presented with, and began to accept, the physical safety that we provided, security, his own health, etc... It was all in check. Now we get to the more difficult tiers. This is normally the hump that individuals struggle with: belonging. This is definitely what took the longest amount of time for us in our time with Biggie. 

Back to the daycare story: That day was a turning point. His needs had been met. We had provided him with family, love, relationships, socialization, etc... It was at this point, that his total development began to take off. 

Those words we had been trying to teach for several weeks? Yep, they finally came out of his mouth. The signs that we had been modeling for him day after day? He began to imitate. The games we've been playing with him? He finally enjoyed. The smiles we had been giving? He gave them right back. 

I know that only parents, & possibly only other neurotic mommies like myself, would understand this, but I just about peed my pants when Biggie signed "please" spontaneously during dinner on Monday. 

~~~ 

"Wait? Did he just do that? Without my prompting? And perfectly in context?"
~~~

He also began signing two other words just this week alone! He's been saying "mama" & "dada" very clearly. He has so much more patience now trying to use his own spoon than he did just 2 weeks ago. He pays attention to the way he's holding it. He looks at where he's placing it in his bowl. He dances, & claps, & laughs anytime he hears a beat. Last night, he "flirted" all throughout dinner with two middle-aged women in Outback after they commented on how cute he was. Two weeks ago he would have most likely completely ignored them, or screamed, the moment they acknowledged him. His socialization skills have improved drastically!

Right now, I feel like Biggie is hovering over both "Belonging" & "Esteem" & he will most likely stay right where he is for quite some time. We know that the progress we've seen in just the last couple weeks is just the tip of the ice berg.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As most of you might have figured out already, Biggie did not leave us this week. An hour before we were supposed to take him to the DHS office, the move was called off for reasons I cannot disclose, but I sighed the biggest sigh of relief after it all happened. 

And then I came home and kissed that baby boy all over his chubby little face.

I'm not ready to let him go. I'm too excited to see how God transforms this little man.