A few days ago a friend from way back when sent me a message on Facebook asking about Ethan. She wanted to know his story, how we came to know him, why we couldn't post pictures of him, etc... I didn't reply for a couple days, and I was curious as to what exactly I would tell her. Well, once I sat down to reply to her message, the words just kept flowing. It ended up being a rather long story. Chris asked to read what I sent her, and after he did he said "I think you should put this on the blog." So, here it is for those of you who are curious:
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Hey, well, God just brought Ethan into our lives like a hurricane. It was unexpected and unstoppable. Chris and I were both working at the Center of Early Learning/Pediatrics Plus, a developmental preschool and therapy center and Ethan started there in March of 2009. We had heard that he was such a bad kid, and lots of other total lies about him. We instantly fell in love with him though. We also found out after a few weeks, that he was in foster care. I started doing my research on foster/adoption and began snooping around anywhere I could for information on him. I had heard that his birth mother's parental rights were more than likely going to be terminated because he had already been in foster care for a year at this point and that his foster mother had no intentions of adopting him. Well, panic set in for both of us... we began thinking about what might happen to him, and whether or not we would ever see him again after the termination. We had completed most of our initial paperwork for DHS by now (April 2009) and were in contact with The CALL (http://www.thecallinarkansas.org/) in attempts to try to get us through the system quicker. (We are now a huge part of the CALL and if you want more information on it specifically, I'll be glad to share some other time.) For most, it takes around 10-12 months to be an open foster home and we knew that we didn't have that much time.
Just let me add here, this was one of the most "inconvenient" times in our lives yet for God to throw in a kid. Chris was just about to graduate, we were unsure as to whether or not we would still be able to live in our apartment, we were both working only about 15 hours a week for minimum wage, Chris was trying to find a job, and I still have one year of school and internship left. We often thought "How are we going to do this? We are not prepared for this!" But the way that God allowed everything to play out, we knew that He had it all under control. He knew that we would be ok.
I had somehow found contact numbers for everyone involved in his case; caseworkers, DHS transportation workers, therapists, his birth mother's attorney, the DHS attorney, CASA, etc... but no one could give me any information on him because to them, we were just total strangers that happen to work at his school. His caseworker had actually been forbidden by her supervisor to call us back (we found that out months later). We finally started to build a relationship with the one person that we had access to; his foster mom.
By July all of our background checks had cleared with DHS and we had had an initial home visit and were now eligible to be official, DHS-approved babysitters. We then arranged it with his foster mom to start getting Ethan on the weekends and such. He would come home with us on Fridays, and we would take him to school on Mondays. He felt like such a part of our family already, and I cried, and I missed him those 4 days of the week that he wasn't with us.
We completed our PRIDE Training and loads of other paperwork in August and then just had to sit and wait for 3 more months even though his mother's rights were already terminated. We had a lot of opposition from DHS. Many people did not like us, and felt like it was "unfair" for us "pick out" a kid that we liked and pursue him. DHS believes in finding a family for a child, not a child for a family. They tried to deny us becoming a foster family because of our age, our income, etc etc... anything they could so that we could not "have it our way" pretty much. Our caseworker though was steadfast- she was on our team and was determined to do everything she could to make sure Ethan became a part of our family. I know that our case was a huge push for her, she quit two weeks after Ethan was placed with us because she said that she was so disgusted with many of her co-workers and the system itself. At times it seems that the bureaucracy of it all overshadows what is actually most beneficial for the child. Even though we were a perfect home for Ethan, and had long been establishing that bond with him, we didn't go about it the way that we were supposed to, and it made a lot of people angry.
Anyway, Ethan moved in with us in October only because his foster mom was moving and was not taking him with her... it was still unofficial. Our caseworker even covered it up in paperwork. In the system, he was living with a foster mother in Vilonia, but he only spent one night with her. She could have lost her job over it, but she did it so that he could be with us. She referred to our case often as a "God-thing" because not matter what kind of crap was thrown at us, we eventually overcame it all.
We finally became an open home in November and Ethan was officially placed with us then. Since then, things have been much easier. Once he was with us, we just had to go to court, state our intent to adopt, and wait six months for the adoption.
All of those lies we had heard about earlier have seemed to resolve themselves... it's amazing what a structured home, loving parents, and finally, Ethan's confidence in where he belongs, can do for his behavior.
And we couldn't post any pictures of him because as a foster child, he is in the custody of the state of Arkansas, and the state does not give permission for any photo, video, etc... of any foster child to be shared online, in print, etc...
No, we had no intentions of starting a family this soon. No, we have not tried to have our own biological children yet. Yes, we do know how old we are. No, I'm not crazy. These are things that people have been asking us for a year now and it's really irritating. The assumption from most is that you only adopt when you've expanded all of your resources and have been unsuccessful at having birth children. Oh, and you have to be at least like, 35 or something to adopt. Haha... People freak out when they hear(d) that Ethan was our foster kid (even though we NEVER referred to him as such) and would talk about him like he wasn't even in the room. They ask stupid questions and say stupid things. The only things we were asked was "Why was he taken into care? What did his mom do? What was wrong with her? What's wrong with him?" Are you kidding me??? They're not even concerned with Ethan, or what he needs, just the gossip.
People always refer to belief in God, and His miracles during pregnancy and childbirth... and I understand that, but now I believe that you cannot possibly deny God or His plans when you see how perfect Ethan is for Chris and me. God had plans for us and plans for Ethan before we had ever met him. No state agency or judge can claim to be responsible for this.
I know that you probably had no idea you would receive a novella from me, but I love telling this story. I want people to think differently about foster care, and adoption, and I want people to understand what it's all about without being afraid.
*********************************************************
So yes, there is still a lot of information missing, but I honestly think I could write a book on the process. If that doesn't satisfy your curiosity, then just ask, and I'll tell.
*****************************************************
Hey, well, God just brought Ethan into our lives like a hurricane. It was unexpected and unstoppable. Chris and I were both working at the Center of Early Learning/Pediatrics Plus, a developmental preschool and therapy center and Ethan started there in March of 2009. We had heard that he was such a bad kid, and lots of other total lies about him. We instantly fell in love with him though. We also found out after a few weeks, that he was in foster care. I started doing my research on foster/adoption and began snooping around anywhere I could for information on him. I had heard that his birth mother's parental rights were more than likely going to be terminated because he had already been in foster care for a year at this point and that his foster mother had no intentions of adopting him. Well, panic set in for both of us... we began thinking about what might happen to him, and whether or not we would ever see him again after the termination. We had completed most of our initial paperwork for DHS by now (April 2009) and were in contact with The CALL (http://www.thecallinarkansas.org/) in attempts to try to get us through the system quicker. (We are now a huge part of the CALL and if you want more information on it specifically, I'll be glad to share some other time.) For most, it takes around 10-12 months to be an open foster home and we knew that we didn't have that much time.
Just let me add here, this was one of the most "inconvenient" times in our lives yet for God to throw in a kid. Chris was just about to graduate, we were unsure as to whether or not we would still be able to live in our apartment, we were both working only about 15 hours a week for minimum wage, Chris was trying to find a job, and I still have one year of school and internship left. We often thought "How are we going to do this? We are not prepared for this!" But the way that God allowed everything to play out, we knew that He had it all under control. He knew that we would be ok.
I had somehow found contact numbers for everyone involved in his case; caseworkers, DHS transportation workers, therapists, his birth mother's attorney, the DHS attorney, CASA, etc... but no one could give me any information on him because to them, we were just total strangers that happen to work at his school. His caseworker had actually been forbidden by her supervisor to call us back (we found that out months later). We finally started to build a relationship with the one person that we had access to; his foster mom.
By July all of our background checks had cleared with DHS and we had had an initial home visit and were now eligible to be official, DHS-approved babysitters. We then arranged it with his foster mom to start getting Ethan on the weekends and such. He would come home with us on Fridays, and we would take him to school on Mondays. He felt like such a part of our family already, and I cried, and I missed him those 4 days of the week that he wasn't with us.
We completed our PRIDE Training and loads of other paperwork in August and then just had to sit and wait for 3 more months even though his mother's rights were already terminated. We had a lot of opposition from DHS. Many people did not like us, and felt like it was "unfair" for us "pick out" a kid that we liked and pursue him. DHS believes in finding a family for a child, not a child for a family. They tried to deny us becoming a foster family because of our age, our income, etc etc... anything they could so that we could not "have it our way" pretty much. Our caseworker though was steadfast- she was on our team and was determined to do everything she could to make sure Ethan became a part of our family. I know that our case was a huge push for her, she quit two weeks after Ethan was placed with us because she said that she was so disgusted with many of her co-workers and the system itself. At times it seems that the bureaucracy of it all overshadows what is actually most beneficial for the child. Even though we were a perfect home for Ethan, and had long been establishing that bond with him, we didn't go about it the way that we were supposed to, and it made a lot of people angry.
Anyway, Ethan moved in with us in October only because his foster mom was moving and was not taking him with her... it was still unofficial. Our caseworker even covered it up in paperwork. In the system, he was living with a foster mother in Vilonia, but he only spent one night with her. She could have lost her job over it, but she did it so that he could be with us. She referred to our case often as a "God-thing" because not matter what kind of crap was thrown at us, we eventually overcame it all.
We finally became an open home in November and Ethan was officially placed with us then. Since then, things have been much easier. Once he was with us, we just had to go to court, state our intent to adopt, and wait six months for the adoption.
All of those lies we had heard about earlier have seemed to resolve themselves... it's amazing what a structured home, loving parents, and finally, Ethan's confidence in where he belongs, can do for his behavior.
And we couldn't post any pictures of him because as a foster child, he is in the custody of the state of Arkansas, and the state does not give permission for any photo, video, etc... of any foster child to be shared online, in print, etc...
No, we had no intentions of starting a family this soon. No, we have not tried to have our own biological children yet. Yes, we do know how old we are. No, I'm not crazy. These are things that people have been asking us for a year now and it's really irritating. The assumption from most is that you only adopt when you've expanded all of your resources and have been unsuccessful at having birth children. Oh, and you have to be at least like, 35 or something to adopt. Haha... People freak out when they hear(d) that Ethan was our foster kid (even though we NEVER referred to him as such) and would talk about him like he wasn't even in the room. They ask stupid questions and say stupid things. The only things we were asked was "Why was he taken into care? What did his mom do? What was wrong with her? What's wrong with him?" Are you kidding me??? They're not even concerned with Ethan, or what he needs, just the gossip.
People always refer to belief in God, and His miracles during pregnancy and childbirth... and I understand that, but now I believe that you cannot possibly deny God or His plans when you see how perfect Ethan is for Chris and me. God had plans for us and plans for Ethan before we had ever met him. No state agency or judge can claim to be responsible for this.
I know that you probably had no idea you would receive a novella from me, but I love telling this story. I want people to think differently about foster care, and adoption, and I want people to understand what it's all about without being afraid.
*********************************************************
So yes, there is still a lot of information missing, but I honestly think I could write a book on the process. If that doesn't satisfy your curiosity, then just ask, and I'll tell.
I started getting emotional as soon as I started reading this. Even though Sarah and I didn't know you guys during the very beginning of your journey with Ethan, we know of the struggles you had to overcome to get to where you are now. And we are so grateful that you didn't give up!!!
ReplyDeleteWe loved Ethan from the minute we met him. He is such an amazing little boy and has so much love to give. It's been such a blessing for us to get to see the little man he is so quickly turning into. It just goes to show what a little love and compassion will do for a child.
Everyone has been blessed by this whole situation. Ethan was blessed with 2 wonderful parents who will love him unconditionally for the rest of his life. You guys were blessed with something so beautiful...the love from this amazing little boy who wants nothing more than to be loved by you. And Sarah, Jaylee and I have been blessed with 2 people we are proud to call our friends and with the gift of being able to see Ethan grow up in a loving, caring and giving family.
You guys are the greatest and we love you!!!