And God, there's just one more thing...

Ya know, I really think that I've learned more about life and about how to serve God in the short time that I've been a parent than the rest of my life combined.

It's just something about that responsibility; that little life following you around asking "Mommy, why did that woman just say that? Mommy, why do they not have much money? Mommy, why is that man in a wheelchair? Mommy, when we get to heaven, can we sing songs to God?"

Ethan asks a multitude of questions each day. Most of them only require simple answers, and then occasionally he decides to throw me for a loop. Stump me. I never would have guessed how much God would use my child's innocence to teach me, the parent. Things that I typically overlook, or take for granted, Ethan notices. He notices when a stranger in line at Wal*Mart says something "mean", or when others make comments about not being able to afford something, or when a man loses the use of his own legs. I have to explain these things to him daily.

But you see, this is not God testing Ethan. This is God testing me. This is God's way of asking me "Crystal, how will you show love and compassion for these people in a way that will teach Ethan how to love? How will you express your gratitude for the blessings that I have given you so that Ethan will recognize and be thankful as well? How will you teach your son to follow Me?"

I won't bore you with all my thoughts.... just that it's hard to do. But it's an amazingly rewarding task.

Oh, and then Ethan prays... and I'm sure if any of you have noticed several of mine and Chris' Facebook statuses, you've chuckled a time or two.

Yes, they're cute. Yes, they're often hilarious. But most importantly, they are heart felt. And they are about what is important to him. Tonight's prayer for example:

"Dear God,
Thank you soooo much. Please keep Mommy safe, and Daddy safe, and Seth and Jackie and Jeremy and Seth's Mimi safe. Keep everyone in da world safe. God, please help Hayes and all my friends to have a good day. And God, there's just one more thing I want to ask you: please, I don't want anymore broken arms. I love you so much.
Amen."

Just about every night I have to bite my lip to either keep from laughing, crying, or both.

When Ethan first came to live with us, the only prayer he knew was his goodnight "Now I lay me down to sleep..." prayer. And sometimes he would start praying that prayer at meals, or other times of the day. He didn't understand what prayer was. He didn't understand what it truly meant to talk to God. He only repeated what he had heard at bedtime. Now, I'm not saying that is bad, especially for a young child, but Chris and I knew that it was time for Ethan to start understanding what prayer was. And he was fully capable.

We started telling Ethan more about prayer, and how it wasn't just like a poem or a song, but it was a conversation with God. We started praying more often together as a family. We encouraged him to say a little prayer to God whenever he got frustrated, or when he was in trouble. We explained to him what it meant to ask for forgiveness.

I am so proud now to listen to him, laying in his bed, talking to God about things that really matter to him; like his best friends and broken arms.






"Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."
Matthew 18:4

Our Story

A few days ago a friend from way back when sent me a message on Facebook asking about Ethan. She wanted to know his story, how we came to know him, why we couldn't post pictures of him, etc... I didn't reply for a couple days, and I was curious as to what exactly I would tell her. Well, once I sat down to reply to her message, the words just kept flowing. It ended up being a rather long story. Chris asked to read what I sent her, and after he did he said "I think you should put this on the blog." So, here it is for those of you who are curious:

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Hey, well, God just brought Ethan into our lives like a hurricane. It was unexpected and unstoppable. Chris and I were both working at the Center of Early Learning/Pediatrics Plus, a developmental preschool and therapy center and Ethan started there in March of 2009. We had heard that he was such a bad kid, and lots of other total lies about him. We instantly fell in love with him though. We also found out after a few weeks, that he was in foster care. I started doing my research on foster/adoption and began snooping around anywhere I could for information on him. I had heard that his birth mother's parental rights were more than likely going to be terminated because he had already been in foster care for a year at this point and that his foster mother had no intentions of adopting him. Well, panic set in for both of us... we began thinking about what might happen to him, and whether or not we would ever see him again after the termination. We had completed most of our initial paperwork for DHS by now (April 2009) and were in contact with The CALL (http://www.thecallinarkansas.org/) in attempts to try to get us through the system quicker. (We are now a huge part of the CALL and if you want more information on it specifically, I'll be glad to share some other time.) For most, it takes around 10-12 months to be an open foster home and we knew that we didn't have that much time.

Just let me add here, this was one of the most "inconvenient" times in our lives yet for God to throw in a kid. Chris was just about to graduate, we were unsure as to whether or not we would still be able to live in our apartment, we were both working only about 15 hours a week for minimum wage, Chris was trying to find a job, and I still have one year of school and internship left. We often thought "How are we going to do this? We are not prepared for this!" But the way that God allowed everything to play out, we knew that He had it all under control. He knew that we would be ok.

I had somehow found contact numbers for everyone involved in his case; caseworkers, DHS transportation workers, therapists, his birth mother's attorney, the DHS attorney, CASA, etc... but no one could give me any information on him because to them, we were just total strangers that happen to work at his school. His caseworker had actually been forbidden by her supervisor to call us back (we found that out months later). We finally started to build a relationship with the one person that we had access to; his foster mom.

By July all of our background checks had cleared with DHS and we had had an initial home visit and were now eligible to be official, DHS-approved babysitters. We then arranged it with his foster mom to start getting Ethan on the weekends and such. He would come home with us on Fridays, and we would take him to school on Mondays. He felt like such a part of our family already, and I cried, and I missed him those 4 days of the week that he wasn't with us.

We completed our PRIDE Training and loads of other paperwork in August and then just had to sit and wait for 3 more months even though his mother's rights were already terminated. We had a lot of opposition from DHS. Many people did not like us, and felt like it was "unfair" for us "pick out" a kid that we liked and pursue him. DHS believes in finding a family for a child, not a child for a family. They tried to deny us becoming a foster family because of our age, our income, etc etc... anything they could so that we could not "have it our way" pretty much. Our caseworker though was steadfast- she was on our team and was determined to do everything she could to make sure Ethan became a part of our family. I know that our case was a huge push for her, she quit two weeks after Ethan was placed with us because she said that she was so disgusted with many of her co-workers and the system itself. At times it seems that the bureaucracy of it all overshadows what is actually most beneficial for the child. Even though we were a perfect home for Ethan, and had long been establishing that bond with him, we didn't go about it the way that we were supposed to, and it made a lot of people angry.

Anyway, Ethan moved in with us in October only because his foster mom was moving and was not taking him with her... it was still unofficial. Our caseworker even covered it up in paperwork. In the system, he was living with a foster mother in Vilonia, but he only spent one night with her. She could have lost her job over it, but she did it so that he could be with us. She referred to our case often as a "God-thing" because not matter what kind of crap was thrown at us, we eventually overcame it all.

We finally became an open home in November and Ethan was officially placed with us then. Since then, things have been much easier. Once he was with us, we just had to go to court, state our intent to adopt, and wait six months for the adoption.

All of those lies we had heard about earlier have seemed to resolve themselves... it's amazing what a structured home, loving parents, and finally, Ethan's confidence in where he belongs, can do for his behavior.

And we couldn't post any pictures of him because as a foster child, he is in the custody of the state of Arkansas, and the state does not give permission for any photo, video, etc... of any foster child to be shared online, in print, etc...

No, we had no intentions of starting a family this soon. No, we have not tried to have our own biological children yet. Yes, we do know how old we are. No, I'm not crazy. These are things that people have been asking us for a year now and it's really irritating. The assumption from most is that you only adopt when you've expanded all of your resources and have been unsuccessful at having birth children. Oh, and you have to be at least like, 35 or something to adopt. Haha... People freak out when they hear(d) that Ethan was our foster kid (even though we NEVER referred to him as such) and would talk about him like he wasn't even in the room. They ask stupid questions and say stupid things. The only things we were asked was "Why was he taken into care? What did his mom do? What was wrong with her? What's wrong with him?" Are you kidding me??? They're not even concerned with Ethan, or what he needs, just the gossip.

People always refer to belief in God, and His miracles during pregnancy and childbirth... and I understand that, but now I believe that you cannot possibly deny God or His plans when you see how perfect Ethan is for Chris and me. God had plans for us and plans for Ethan before we had ever met him. No state agency or judge can claim to be responsible for this.

I know that you probably had no idea you would receive a novella from me, but I love telling this story. I want people to think differently about foster care, and adoption, and I want people to understand what it's all about without being afraid.

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So yes, there is still a lot of information missing, but I honestly think I could write a book on the process. If that doesn't satisfy your curiosity, then just ask, and I'll tell.

Next Verse

Even though I have been wanting to start this blog for a long time now, I think it's only appropriate that it gets going now- at this new stage of our lives.

Our adoption was final yesterday- although from the moment we first met Ethan it felt like he had been with us his whole life, like I had carried him in me, raised him from birth- we are now officially his parents.

Perfect fit, huh?

We had a big "Adoption Celebration" last night at our new home. I was so surprised at how many friends -old and new- came out to celebrate with us, how many people were rejoicing with us, how many people love us, and love Ethan. It is truly refreshing and I feel so blessed.

As nice as it was to get to spend a little time with new friends, my best friends were there the whole time. They brought gifts, gave hugs, talked, laughed, and stayed late to help clean up. Long after everyone else had left, they self assigned duties to get my house back in order - clean up yard and deck, sweep and mop floors, put away leftovers, take out the trash, drain the hot tub and look for the broken glass (broken thermometer), and most importantly, after it was all done, they just sat down with us, and loved us like they always have.

I hope I can continue to keep up this blog. There are so many exciting (well, to me at least) things happening in our lives right now that I want to share with everyone: news and updates for everyone, a place to share all of the funny things Ethan says, and just an outlet for me to tell our story.